To love
To love is to fear
To love is to cry
To love is to laugh
To love is to go beyond our selves and touch a part of God.
I am guilty of loving too quick......
I fear the future because I know not what it holds...
What a night..
Okay so I randomly stayed out until 3am this morning. It is currently 4 am but because I am feeling sick I cannot sleep. I hate it when this happens because I am SOOOOOOO tired!
We started out at McD's eating some food (I will admit I haven't been eating well lately..as in..not at all..I dunno what's up with that) ended up taking a picture of ourselves at the Riverview sign *you know the one that lights up like Hollywood?
I've seen accidents *God's will be done*, gone to the big stop (at like 2!), waited in the car after being freaked out about stories of the devil's church, been at random people's homes.
Ahh..I can't think any more..I'll edit this when I am more focused (and probably procrastinating on the report)..
Edit: (The rest of the story..and yes I am procrastinating from the report)
8:00--Shawna and Mark arrive...we hang out until 10:00 eating some food.
Which also includes Mark calling a random pastors house in Alma to see what the name of the Pizza shop in town was...and then him calling the pizza shop (we didn't go because they were closing shortly gah..)
10:00 McDonalds, and taking pictures in front of the riverview sign...poor Shawna she had crazy high heels on! We ended up in Hillsbourough taking AE pictures for Mark in front of the water tower. Then we checked out Sobeys at the mall...originally the plan for Sobeys was to make a quote poster of random quotes but we ended up going bowling with the mustard and can of
MANWHICH. I hope that Mark bowls better in real life than Manwhich bowling lol...
12:15. We end up back at Mark's house..checking out his room and talking to his roommate. THEN Shawna gets the bright idea to start falling asleep..NO WAY..so we call up some people at Owen's house..and go and pick them up (Chester and Serge?) to go to Salisbury Big Stop for a snack.
So it's somewhere close to 1-ish and we meet up with some more people that everyone else but me knows. They had some interesting stories about Moncton Christian Acadmey though...
So we decide it's about time to go home..seeing at how it's like 1:30-2:00-ish...
Before we go home..we go and check out the scales coming into Moncton...not really sure why..but we did. Come to think of it I'm not really sure why we did ANYTHING..but we did..
So then someone starts telling stories about Satan's church..and random ghost stories...and it's flippin' 2:30! And SOMEONE gets the wonderful idea of going to check out a tower in the middle of the woods.
We had to drive by an accident (which looked really bad). Then we get to a little road..that has a TON of rocks and stuff in front of it..my head is screaming bad idea..so I decide not to go in with them. I lock all the doors and sit in my car with the heat cranked for when they get back in...Serge comes back before the rest of them..which was kinda funny..but anyway..it wasn't eventful. So we drop everyone else off..and go home..
I have decided that I am NOT a late nighter...oh I'll do it..but I pay for it later....all day saturday..after sleeping 8 hours I felt horribly ill.. and then I was late for church this morning..
I choose to blame it on Mark mostly cause Shawna's so sweet..and girls have to stick together and why blame yourself when you can blame someone else lol....
It was a great night. Any one up for a random road trip?
Update:
Well.. I can honestly say that not much has happened lately. My life has been quite boring and I'm glad. I am the type of person that I will go OUT of my way to not have drama in my life. I do not like drama!
"Passed down from generations too far back to trace,
I can see all my relations when I look into my face,
May never make it famous but I'll never bring it shame,
It's my last name"
One of the most important things to me is my family and I think that's why it's been so tough to go to be going through the stuff that I have been. I take great pride in the things my family has done and the decisions that they have made. Often I feel this enormous pressure to put aside the dreams and ambitions that I have for myself to live the legacy that my parents and grandparents have worked so hard to provide me with the option of. I often forget that I have the option...no matter how hard that the other option may be. Praise God for free will.
I will never make my name famous...but I refuse to bring it shame. That's one of the things that I love about Christianity...if you follow the bible like the bible was meant to be followed...it wont bring myself or my family shame.
One of the things that I have been considering is hypenating my name when I get married or even not changing my name at all. I'm not opposed to changing my name...but..I'm also not completely decided on changing my name. It's something that I want to discuss with everyone I know..their reasonings for their decision...and mostly..I find it interesting....
Till then..
Krystle
One thing I've noticed about myself....
When the stress comes..the only thing I focus on is getting rid of the stress..which means leaving out every possible other thing until the stress is gone..
So what would be the first thing to go? Youth group? No..that's the LAST thing to go!
Cleaning! YES!!...so now..I have to begin cleaning again..I must admit it's nice not to clean..but seeing as how I haven't done laundry or dishes in awhile...IT NEEDS TO BE DONE!
Ahh..I'm enjoying life right now..looking forward to the best two months of my life (cause the last two were the worst for the most part..)
K
I HATE SCHOOL!
So I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Not kidding. It's a good thing Krista was there because I would have let 'er all go here at home. I am so sick of school. The only reason why I don't drop out right now is because I'm over half way done my first semester. There's been rumors that it gets easier next semester...and honestly...am I ready to confront my dad? I'm scared..I feel like such a girl..but I def. need a really good cry right now..
Going to school makes me feel literally sick. I've never felt like this! Nor do I want to continue with this.
GOD BE NEAR ME! BE CLOSER TO ME. FIND ME IN THIS STORM..CAUSE I CAN'T SEE THROUGH! I'M TIRED AND I'M WEAK..AND I'M ONLY PRAYING THAT YOU'LL USE MY WEAKNESSES FOR YOUR GLORY.
I love being a youth leader
So I've randomly discovered that teenagers are drawn to me? What the heck? One girl stated that it usually takes her awhile to get comfortable with youth leaders..but it didn't take her long to get comfortable with me. Woah! I wonder though if I walked in as a new youth pastor would I still have the same affect? Would teenagers still see me as approachable? If you become a pastor do you have to be called Pastor Krystle? How weird is that? P. Krystle? nah...that doesn't really work either (but I like it better then saying the word our fully)
God keeps showing me His desire (and mine too!) and I'm so amazed at God's grace. He's allowed me to get close to girls that are thought of as strong Christians and don't seem to get any type of youth leader guidance. He's also put into my path girls that deal with SI (Self-Injury..usually cutting) and addictions in general. (kinda makes me wish that I had done better in high school so that I could take psycology). One thing that I have learned most importantly (something I can take anywhere) is unconditional love. I LOVE XTREME YOUTH KIDS.
I love them enough to tell them to turn around and pay attention. I love them enough to take them to NYC. I love them enough to dedicate my life to them. I love them enough to stay up until 12:00 (or 3:00 this weekend) just to talk. I love them enough that they are my first thoughts and my actions are because of them.
I was thinking the other day. Would I be able to get married now? Would I have the time or the energy to pour into a husband? I guess that's why I'd like to date awhile before I ever got married. Right now I have time for a boyfriend...get together once or twice a week...nothing too serious..def. not a husband.
So there you have it..my post of substance..but wasn't that quote cool (and the quote in the ABCs)! I love stuff like that!
Krystle
Passion
"Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself."
Wow....
It reaffirms my belief that everyone needs to be passionate about something...
Ps. I do promise to post something of coherent substance sometime soon.
I liked this quote..so I did a survey...
[A is for age:]
19 (Yes Mark..I'm really 19!)
[B is for best friend:]
Danielle and Kate (but I rarely see either of them with one living so far away and one being equally as busy with school and her boyfriend)
[C is for crush:]
haha..Katie D and I actually talked about this and we both decided that we waited until we found out that some guy was interested in us..and THEN we decided if we were interested in them..saves in the heartache.
[D is for favorite drink:]
Graham Farms Chocolate Milk (cravings!!!)
[E is for essential item you use everyday:]
Electric Blanket (I don't even turn the heat on unless people are coming over...)
[F is for favorite song at the moment:] Marvelous Light Charlie Hall or Original Fire AudioSlave
[G is for favorite game]
I'm a fan of most boardgames...or Crib..
[H is for hometown:]Centreville...famous for..being super industralized
[I is for instruments you play:]
Drums
[J is for favorite fruit juice?:]
Apple
[K is for kids?]
I currently have 0 (well that I know about) but I'd like to have 3 or 4. All close in age and all when I'm quite young.
[L is for last kiss:]
How do you spell forever ago?
[M is for marriage:]
As much as I'd like to think that I'm completely fine on my own...no..I'd like to get married..and soon..I want to have kids young and I'd rather not raise them alone..
[N is for # of siblings]
1 and he is QUITE the character
[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
If you include the time spent in the hospital for being born...2 (Babies are usually there 2 days right?)
[P is for phobias:]
My parents dying...
[Q is for quote:]
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously giveother people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
[R is for biggest regret]
Reading I kissed dating goodbye and when God writes your love story...
[S is for self confidence:]
What's that? lol..I have some but I know that I frequently need reassurance from others to feel good about myself.
[T is for time you wake up:]
This is quite intense..
My clock is set 20 minutes fast..and yes..I need it that way.
It is set for 7:00 (real time 6:40)
I hit snooze until about 7:30-7:40 (7:10-7:20) and then I get up.
I also have an alarm on my cell phone set for 7:30 (yes that's real time) so that I know I need to be up shortly if not already.
[U is for underwear:]
uhhh.....
[V is for vegetable you love:]
I just love veggies! Seriously, I'm the girl that if you took me out I'd order salad. Not because I don't want you to think that I'm a poor eater...but because I just love it! My favourite: Country Cob salad...Italian dressing..Montanna's.
[W is for worst habit:]
Procrastination
[X is for x-rays you've had]
Back (this was like..3 weeks ago)
Wrist (multiple times when it broke)
Elbow (once when I was little)
[Y is for yummy food you make:]
Because I don't have a oven it's hard to figure out what to cook..but I enjoy shepard's pie and apple crumble...and I can make these all in my toaster oven!
I even amaze myself sometimes.
[Z is for zodiac sign:]Cancer (July 6, 1987)
Mark M and Matt B, just comment! Stop flying under the radar..show that you've been here! A little anon. comment never hurt anyone! lol
Battle of the bands..revised
After a conversation with a pastor from the Moncton area I would like to say to all that I have changed my stance on the battle of the bands a tad bit.
Note:I still support the outreach ways of Moncton Welseyan including Battle of the Bands. I understand the reasoning behind it, and the purpose of why we do what we do.
With that said..I was opened to the idea to this:
Parents in Moncton allowed their kids to go to Battle of the Bands at Moncton Wesleayn because it's location...in a church. With the negative media attention that Battle of the bands has recieved the pastors that let their children go to battle of the bands are now asked to explain their actions. How hard is that for them? To have to explain something when they don't even really know what happened. A lot of churches in the GMA are very traditional and I can expect that there were more than a few people upset about this.
The reasoning that I have a partial change of heart is the fact that churches and people within and without the church are arguing about whether it was right or wrong. The purpose of battle of the bands was to introduce people to the church not create division and I for one can attest to the fact that I have felt personally attacked by close friends because of our differing beliefs on battle of the bands. I must also admit that because I FELT personally attacked I in turn attacked back. Man...here I am preaching at others saying how awesome battle of the bands was...and I, myself, have missed the point entirely!
I still believe that the church needs to be constantly changing their outreach ways. What worked last year may not work this year. I give the challenge that for those of you who so strongly are against battle of the bands...find something...anything (short of sinning) that will bring kids into the church and continue to pray for us as we go out there, into a spiritual battleground, and take back the kids of our city.
Krystle
What a weekend!
Sorry guys, I haven't been posting as often as I should have! Seeing as how I am putting off homework..now seems like an appropriate time.
This weekend was AMAZING! I can honestly say that I can feel God leading me now more than anytime in my life! It's awesome because things happened to me this weekend.
I was specifically called and that just blows my mind away.
So many times I see other people and I base myself on them and because I'm putting my focus on someone else and it always makes me feel inadequate. I see what I want to be, but I have yet to get there. In a way that's healthy. I'm not sitting back and not striving for something bigger and deeper..but in another way it's bad..because I'm not striving for the right things. Just being "better" or "more spiritual" than someone else is not the right thing to be striving for.
I can see God working through my failures. I can see God meeting me where my limitations keep me and carrying me. I feel so safe right now..which is so good because of the situation I have found myself (by God's grace in). I wish I could share more with you. But I cannot...God is working and I cannot say...yet.
Let's just say..you haven't heard the last of me....
