The Chronicles of a Christian

Jesus Bring The Rain....................

It is by the grace of God that I am writing to all of you in "blogdom". It is also by the same grace that I can testify to God's goodness and most of all his faithfulness. The past month has been a huge testing period of my life. A test that, without grace, I would have failed.

Before I left for New York City on a missions trip I had begun a life of complacency, a life where I didn't care about the decisions other people made. I genuinely didn't love people. I think I know where it began, but if there's one thing I've learned about being a Christian is that it doesn't matter where it starts, it's where it ends that matters. After the complacency had begun doubt began creeping in. Not just doubt about small things of Christ but the existance of God. Does God exist! For two weeks I wrestled with that thought. My only argument to the "is God real" question was to chalk it all up to chance and the fact that people want to believe in something higher. What a load of crap. There is no way I was placed on this earth to be a "chance".

I went to New York City and had a so-so time. If anyone knows me (and aren't a random blogger) and if you REALLY know me, you know that I love people, but there also comes a point when I need to be alone. If I don't get that time then I get really moody. Throw that into the mix, a few stupid decisions, and a few pessimistic people and it really wasn't the best trip. I'm sure I wasn't the best leader either. I did pretty much everything I ever saw my mother do and said that I'd never do, but was super proud of the group when I didn't have to ask (okay yell) them to move the the side of the subway so other people could get through. No, the trip wasn't a complete waste, I fell in love with homeless people, got a lot closer to some of the girls on the trip, and had my butt kicked in a biblical debate by a 15 year old (which pretty much trounced my ego, but there's no room for an ego in Christianity anyway).

One of the biggest things that I learned about me on the trip was I cannot forgive myself easily. Of my stupid decisions in NYC really haunts me to this day, to the point where I'm avoiding people and constantly wonder what they think of me. I have major issues with practicing "God forgave me, so who am I not to forgive myself?"

I hate the fact that I know the steps to help me get out of this problem (and probably wouldn't understand if someone came to me with the same problem and couldn't follow my advice) but I cannot follow my own stinkin' advice (rather Jesus' advice). School has been crazy, absolutely crazy. The first thing that's always to go is cleaning, but the second is devotions, or they stay, but I end up reading some stupid Oprah magazine longer than my bible. (seriously, has anyone ever thought of Oprah being a false idol?..I could totally see it!).

By God's grace I am still here. Healing my wounds from battle with God's word, and preparing for the next battle. Here's a song that spoke to me. Thank you God from whom all blessings come.


I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes meCan circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for meBy suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

posted by Krystle @ 10:22 p.m.