The Chronicles of a Christian

Ouch

The past few weeks have been really intense weeks, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. College is retarded and very stressful and when I get stressed out I always focus on the most "important" or what needs to be done right away. My devotional life has gone out the window. When I look through my journal my last devotion was February! Yikes! Isn't it funny that even though I know how important devotions are I'm not currently doing them? Oh, trust me I've suffered but even still, in my own stupidity, I don't do my devotions. In my own stupidity they were the FIRST thing to go. I was driving around the other day singing Christian songs and I felt so FAKE. It was an experience that I've never felt before. Just 100% fake.

The devil is not stupid. Sometimes when I think about God I only think about how awesome He is, and how strong HE is but yet I forget about how cunning the devil is and how the devil has tricked people way smarter and more important than me into following him. I have never had such huge periods of doubt to the point where I'm really questioning it all.

I've always believed that questioning what you believe is super important and absolutely necessary to stay "on fire" but I've come to the point where I just keep reminding myself to not do something stupid that's going to completely wreck my testimony or the opportunities that God has placed in my life. One of my biggest doubts is why Christians today are "New Testament" Christians. Why aren't we following the Old Testament? I know that Jesus Christ came to fulfill the law not break it, but I don't understand how following Jesus means not following the Old Testament too. I also know that if I had to do the things that they did in the Old Testament then I probably wouldn't be a Christian. Stoning people isn't my idea of fun.

I know the problem. I know the cure. I know that I lack the energy, the time, and the desire to spend time fixing it. It's become the last thing on the list to do on a list of so many unimportant things.

Don't give me the line "God only wants a relationship with you. Don't worry about the rules". It's beyond this. I admit, I try to force my relationship with God. I admit that I don't have life together and I admit that often I PRETEND that I have life together. I also will NEVER say that a relationship with God is about rules. I am 100% against that. There is nothing that you HAVE to do to be a Christian (except admit that you're a sinner), but I also believe that once you get closer to God you're going to want to do the things that please him. I also know that you're doing no one any favours by becoming a stronger Christian (except those that you might lead to Christ and that's not by you, that's by God's doing) and you're only hurting yourself by staying a baby Christian for life.

I WANT GROWTH.
I CRAVE GROWTH.
but not my will...but Yours....

posted by Krystle @ 11:12 p.m.