The Chronicles of a Christian

Something I was thinking about...

I always want people to notice when I have makeup on...not when I don't...

posted by Krystle @ 10:39 p.m. 1 comments

Rejection

I have a friend. A really great friend. He's one of the few people in this world that I absolutely love unconditionally, but I rarely see him.
Not that he lives far away, but I just don't see him.
Not that I don't have transportation, I just don't see him.
Honestly, the most memorable times of my life have been with him, and every single time we hang out my heart beams. But I just don't see him..

So you're probably wondering why the heck I don't go and see a guy who I love so much.

On occasion I do see him and the prelude to our meetings my stomach is in knots the entire time, and I'm constantly worrying. Worrying about what will happen, what won't happen and I have a list of topics to bring up incase there's dead space, even though when we're finally together, the list is thrown out the window and God molds our conversation entirely.

Today I figured out why I don't go see him often.

I'm afraid he'll reject me.


Yes, that's right..rejection.

One of my largest fears (yes I'm a baby..I have many fears) is rejection, and I'll do anything to avoid it, or reduce my chances.

Including not seeing one of my best friends.

I'm not sure if it's the fact that he has carisma or the fact that he's beautiful, but there's something about him that if he were to reject me then my heart would be broken in two. This fear keeps me from him, and from being one of the best frineds that he's ever had.

Please know, dear friend, that it's not anything you have done that keeps me from you. It's my inhabitions, and my fears, that drive me away from the most intense passionate relationship I've ever enjoyed.

posted by Krystle @ 4:24 p.m. 1 comments

Me

So tonight, at church, I was standing there and realized. I haven't lost my passion...but I realized that Christianity is something that makes sense in my head (believe it or not) but has recently lost the affect in my heart.

I've been told by a wise elder of my old church who I admire and respect deeply. That sometimes I try to force my growth. From here I digress into my own words. That I have a tendency to take my spiritual growth into my own hands and try to force the issue. That I try to live a blameless life.

This is all well said and done but I'm missing out on my relationship with my creator.

Think of this. If you were able to go and create cars for Henry Ford or go and talk to him about personal things which would you rather do? Frig! I'd take socializing any day!

Why is it so hard to talk to God? I know there are many different forms of talking to God...writing letters (which I have done), singing (which I have done)..with all degrees of success..but when it comes down to stripping it all away..and just coming to God I can't do that. I try, but I feel like I'm talking to air. I feel bad because people that I've told that I'll pray for...aren't getting the prayer that they need. They're names have been softly tucked away in my journal with hopes that one day their needs will be met.

A song we sang tonight in church (Child of God) says "your arms enfold me" and honestly that's what I have to allow God every night in church to do. Enfold me. Originally I thought of this word had the same meaning as unfold, but enfold is the exact opposite. God's arms unfolding me means, He's wrapping His arms around me and just holding me.

I love my God....

posted by Krystle @ 10:36 p.m. 2 comments

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking fr
oSo come home running
Just as you are

Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior's blood
And called by name, "daughter" and "son"
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
And He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

posted by Krystle @ 3:44 p.m. 1 comments

Day 6

I am really blessed for where I live. I'm not talking about Moncton..if anything this is a "I'm so blessed because...but I really hate my current circumstance".

Where I live everyone waves to everyone (and I'm dead serious when I say this). When I was little I would ask my dad who he just waved at and he would say that he didn't know. He would tell me that he didn't know more often then he knew who it was. I live in a super friendly community! We also have driveways long enough to accomdate everyone that lives with us and then some. My driveway is a road (seriously) and I didn't have to walk down it until my senior year in high school to catch the bus. We also have sections of our property that are like parking lots to our warehouses (actually, they're bigger than most parking lots in Moncton).

If you haven't guessed it yet..I am complaning about my parking situation. The way it works is that I can't park in the driveway because the three drivers in the house have such different schedules that we'd be constantly trying to figure out who goes in first. And honestly..in the middle of winter if I get home at 9:00 you don't want to have to walk out and park your car in the drive way so that I'm not blocking you in. Also, in the middle of winter I don't want to wake up at 6:30 in the morning to go park on the street.

What I have been doing is during the week parking at the apartments across from my school and then on Saturday nights I park at the little strip mall next door to my house. Being parking somewhere that you're essentially not paying to park in is a SIN! I've always moved my car when it snowed (minus 2 times maybe) and never park at the strip mall during the week because there would be people showing up to purchase things before I could move my car. Is that not fair?

Last night I went to park my car at the strip mall and they were cleaning out the parking lot. So I was being nice (honestly I didn't want them to plow my car into a bank) and I went over to ask if I was out of the road. They then proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't park there and that they're going to call the owner of the building and tell him that I've been parking there.

Now you're probably saying..just go talk to the owner. Which I did last year when he showed up when I was moving my car. He said it was okay and asked me to park on the side because people were going to be showing up for church. I proceeded to tell him that I always leave before the people for church show up (my church starts at 9:15; there's 10:30) and would rather leave my car out in the light and where people (cops) could be driving by at any time. To which he agreed.

BUT..I'm a worrier..honestly he could decide that he doesn't want me to park there any more. I guess in short..it just made me really miss home. I'm also worried about talking to him because I really don't understand city people. They're all about suing and bylaws..and all that junk. I didn't know until I turned 19 that if you park on the street you have to be facing the way the traffic is going! Nor did I know that you couldn't park on the street. STUPID BY-LAWS!

Anyway...going to do homework...

I wish someone would comment on my blog once and awhile...that would make me happier..

Krystle

Labels: home parking

posted by Krystle @ 7:51 p.m. 3 comments